1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
