I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
