Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
