my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
