Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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