Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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