oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
