I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
