how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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