I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
