Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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