I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's shark week go big or go home
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