Me too!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
