lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
