i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
