that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
