He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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