Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
