Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize