I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
