This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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