Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
