I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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