Everything about him screamed your future.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize