im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize