I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
