just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
