u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
