I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
