He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
