Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
