she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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