69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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