I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
