i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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