It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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