it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't deserve a penis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
