i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
