I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
