I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize