hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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