you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
