I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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