Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
