WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
