well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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