FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
