She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
