I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He did a backflip because drugs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
