please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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