Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
