am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just tell him i said nine months
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
