I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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