when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
