i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
