On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
