btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
