Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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