Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
