How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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