I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
