Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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