I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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