I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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