I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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