We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
