Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
