you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
