My brain says no but my pants say off.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
