New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
