maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
