Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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