haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
