Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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