Duck Duck Cougar?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
high people should be assigned attendants
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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